Ontologica! or A Brief Explanation of Absolutely Everything that is Known about Absolutely Everything

Through an uninterrupted series of Incalculably improbable events beginning an Infinitely long time ago, you've had the incomprehensible good fortune of ending up at This Page at This Moment in time. This is undoubtably the most significant occasion of your life thus far, and you can surely feel surges of Unfathomable Bliss coursing through your veins as you read these very words. Please take a moment for this to sink in... Deep breath… Ok, now prepare yourself for the momentous life-changing cinematic experience that lies in your near future.